The Early Years - Part 1

This is MY story.  My siblings may or may not have the same memories or experiences.  There are 4 of us - and none of us have a close relationship with each other.  We are 4 individuals bound together by DNA. We are the product of a dysfunctional family and each of us is living our lives the best way that we can.  I do not even know where one of my sisters lives - and that is her choice not mine. But life is about choices - sometimes - and sometimes choices seem to have been made for you as you will see in later posts.

I am the eldest child - my father was an only child and my mother had 8 siblings. My early years as a child growing up on a large and prosperous farm were happy years.  We lived right next door to our grandparents and we were in and out of their house all day every day.

I don't really remember the CHANGE in our lives, probably because change can be a gradual series of events as opposed to a singular stunning defining moment. What I do remember is my father becoming more and more an angry person and my mother choosing to cope with his anger by retreating.  Often times the person who failed to retreat the fastest was left to deal with the fallout.  My father's drinking went from social drinking to all day drinking and amazingly he was able to function and run our large farm.  He often drove while he was impaired  - these were days long before drinking and driving was an offense. Many times he drove home late at night from visiting with family friends with his precious family in the car and he was impaired. It's hard to know whether his anger increased his need for alcohol or his alcohol exposed the angry and bitter soul that he was.  I remember being in our large gold colored 4 door car - an Impala I think - when my father sideswiped the power pole at the rear of our property behind the house.  He hit the power pole on the passenger side - my side.  I have no idea why he was driving the car at that time or why he was driving there or even why I was in the car.  I do however remember my mother being extremely angry with him that I was in the car but as soon as my father raised his voice to her she retreated to the house.  My mother has stated many times that she felt that if she left the scene my father would have no one to argue with and would cease.  Wrong.  My father simply railed against the person that was not lucky enough to leave in time.