A Huge Mistake

I've been spending time organizing my emails, etc. that I have saved/received/sent during the time from when my file was opened with the RCMP until the day that I slammed it closed on May 25, 2009 - the result of a phone call that blew my world into a million little pieces.  I made the mistake of rereading the letter of complaint that I sent to the Superintendent of the Detachment at that time.  A big mistake.  A huge mistake.  I thought that I had neatly packaged all of that up but what I discovered in the past few weeks is that the cruel words of that phone call are still very near the surface. 

This has not been a good thing.  I have stirred up emotions and feelings that should have been left alone. The black is coming back and I am fighting to breathe and rise above it once again.  I am trying hard to push through this on my own, to not burden my friends with my neediness, to focus on the good as much as I can.  I am fighting with that need to not be alone but to be by myself - if that makes any sense. This is where Esme is my lifesaver.  Her needs will always come before mine.  Without her, I don't think life would be worth the fight.