Take Me As I Am..........

I've been sorting and organizing all of my emails, notes, official papers, etc. that pertain to my adventure with the "justice" system.  First thing anyone must learn and embrace when dealing with the courts is this:  It is a LEGAl system not a JUSTICE system.  Until you can embrace that and prepare yourself to be disappointed more than you ever have before do not go to the police.  It is not the police officers' fault - it is our stupid, antiquainted, out moded, "accused has all the rights" system that we in Canada are stuck with. 

When you go to the police and have your statement taken there are many steps to be followed which I will share with you in future posts.  Here is the lesson that I learned the hard and painful way and I had to wait until I was knee deep in pain, humiliation, embarassement and frustration to be educated. The first step is that the police recommend whatever charges they can to Crown Counsel - who let's all understand this one fact - are there to defend the victim of the crime.  Step one at Crown is that the file goes to a "gatekeeping" committee who reiviews the file and makes the decision as to whether to press charges and forward the file to the appopriate prosecutor or to bounce the file back to the police.  Here is the criteria that the file must meet to be accepted:

1. Is this a winnable case?  Reason: It is the public's money that is being spent at Crown so they only take on cases that they are sure they can win.  LOVELY.
2. Will the victim be a credible witness in a court room?  And they can tell this from a bunch of paper?  They must be pyschic.

There are 3 more criteria that are just as meaningless to a victim.  My RCMP officer actually took my file to the Court House and met with the prosecutor who handles all of the sex crime files and from what I was told he felt the file was worthy of taking to court but even he can't over ride the committee at the front door. That hurt me right to the core.  I know for a fact that my abuser would have folded like a cheap tent the first time he even parked in the parking lot at the Court House.  I know that he would have either had to plead guilty or hire some lawyer to defend him and then the prosecutor would have had the chance to rip him to shreds on the stand.  I know that I was cheated out of the opportunity to be able to write and read a Victim's Impact Statement.  It felt like being abused all over again.  I grieved deeply for a year as I tried to accept the fact that I would never be able to have justice.  I still grieve for that loss and I probably will for the rest of HIS life.

So.........before I sit down and piece together 3 years of RCMP interviews,etc. let me leave you with this:


I might not be someone's first choice, However, I am a great choice.
I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me.
I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in the past, however, I'm proud of who I am today.
I may not be perfect, however, I don't need to be.
Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.